Life & Work with Ali Hallock

It is a strange balance to love something that has caused me so much suffering and to be grateful for the trying journey I constantly walk through. I go through a process of redefining my new normal and learning to re-love myself with whatever current limitations, scars, or changes come into play. My journey has taught me countless beautiful lessons, and it has given me the perspective of often looking at life through rose-colored glasses.

In 2021, a pseudomonas bacterial infection wreaked havoc on my lungs. It began eating away my lung tissue and creating a lesion where aspergillus fungus started to grow and invade my arteries. That infection nearly killed me and left me fighting for my life as a critical care patient for over 7 months. I fought as hard as I could until I had no other option but to have the upper lobe of my right lung removed.

I have had more than a dozen surgeries in the past eight years. I survived a very scary pulmonary embolism and almost died giving birth to my youngest daughter when I hemorrhaged on the delivery table. But, becoming a critical care patient last year was by far the scariest thing I have walked through during these past 15 years of chronic health issues. I had to choose between going home on hospice to die or doing a very risky lobectomy after already having had a lung surgery where they used talc to adhere my lung to the chest wall. I chose the option that gave me the chance to fight for my life until I could not fight anymore. My lungs are extremely fragile, and I continue to struggle with recurrent lung infections.

However, 2022 has been a year of recovery and healing. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. It is a year I am incredibly proud of and one that I am humbled and thankful to be experiencing. It certainly has not been easy, and I still have moments of struggling with my health. But, given everything I have been through, I feel fortunate beyond words for this life and the health I do have. It is nothing short of an absolute miracle. It is impossible to adequately express my deep gratitude for every individual involved in my care, and to all the friends, family, and community who have supported us along the way.

I’m sure you wouldn’t say it’s been obstacle-free, but so far would you say the journey has been a fairly smooth road?
As written in my new book, Beautifully Broken… For me, being diagnosed with a chronic illness is like waking up every day and mourning the loss of the person you were and the person you always thought you would be. You will mourn that part of yourself while also learning how to love a new, unrecognizable version of yourself. You will feel broken, defeated, fragile, and lost. But, you will also feel so strong. One day, you will wake up and reflect on your journey. You will look back on all that you have been through, and you will be incredibly proud of yourself for simply surviving. You will feel this burning desire to continue fighting. You will feel it so deeply in your soul, for one shining moment, it will overpower all the pain and tears.

I look back on this past decade and ask myself how I possibly made it through every step physically, mentally, and emotionally. How did my body keep fighting as it progressively weakened and I became more broken and fragile? When I felt so utterly defeated? 2021 was an exceptionally hellish year. By far the most harrowing battle I have ever had to fight. It broke me at my core. There were so many physical and emotional scars that changed me forever. There were moments when I sank into the lowest and darkest depths of my soul, to a place I had never found myself before. But, it also built me back up in a heartbreakingly beautiful way. It encompassed every aspect of being beautifully broken, as a large part of my lung was literally chipped away and strategically removed from my body. My surgeon effectively removed the part of my lung that was killing me slowly. It allowed the remaining healthier lung tissue to re-inflate as much as possible, and fill that space within my chest cavity. I was literally broken apart and then molded back together into someone even more beautiful and healthy than I was before. He removed part of me that was filled with darkness and death and would have eventually taken my life, giving me the chance to live again.

2021 gave me an immense amount of strength, courage, and hope. It continued to re-shape and re-mold me. It gradually healed my wounds, inside and out. It showed me how beautiful I am. I honestly would not have survived the last few years without so many of my amazing doctors. They have guided me to answers and treatment plans. They helped me through countless procedures, surgeries, and recoveries. I am fortunate to have them in my corner every step of the way. I am grateful beyond words for these remarkable humans who are the true heroes in my story. I would not be here without the long list of surgeons, doctors, and medical staff who have been involved in my care.