Today we’d like to introduce you to XinYi Xan.
Hi XinYi, it’s an honor to have you on the platform. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us – to start maybe you can share some of your backstories with our readers.
I was born in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and moved with my family to Dallas, Texas at the age of 7. My first couple of years in school were a huge struggle. English was not my first language and entering 2nd grade after skipping almost a year of school due to the move made making friends quite difficult. But even after learning English, I never felt quite at home… anywhere.
1. Culturally, I wasn’t fully American, but when my family and I visited Malaysia, I was painfully aware that I didn’t quite belong there either.
2. When it came to my passions, I could never make up my mind on a specific creative outlet or medium to hone — not because of indecisiveness (ok, maybe a little bit), but because I find joy in the process of learning, remixing, and over-complicating mixed-media projects. But before I found pride in calling myself a Creative Chimera, I was hopelessly lost in how to identify my art and therefore myself.
3. Being aromantic meant that I couldn’t relate to 99% of the stories represented in pop culture.
In short, I thought I was an alien. After all, surely you’re not human if can’t understand such a basic human experience such as romantic love, right? And I think, partially because I didn’t care for romantic love, I dearly longed for platonic love, sisterhood, and brotherhood in chosen families.
With every friend that I’ve found (who listened to me wholeheartedly and confided in me sincerely), I began to feel less and less alien and more and more at home on Earth. I began to feel like I belonged.
It is through these personal struggles that I feel so passionately about creating deep connections and making others feel welcomed. Everyone deserves to feel part of a community, whether it is one they find or one they build for themselves.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way? Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
I think the biggest struggle with being a Creative Chimera with an obsession with novelty is having enough focus to keep any given project going. As an avid student of life, it’s easy to be inspired (or distracted, depending on how you look at it) by new art mediums to try or interesting new niches to study. Therefore, the only way that the project of Don’t Be Strangers can truly persist under my care is if it evolved with me and evolved rapidly.
What started as a podcast project in July of 2021 as a way for me to meet and have interesting conversations with strangers bloomed into frustration of the lack of interactions between the listeners of the podcast. This ignited a desire to build a digital Pen Pals Club that would bring back the art of long-format communication between friends all over the world.
As the Pen Pals Club developed, I faced another issue of lack of visibility. I sent out instructions and created the pairings, but rarely saw any actual interaction. This was what drove the desire to create a Discord chat server where the community could have a shared common space to find and connect with anyone else in the group.
As the project metaphorized, I quickly realized that I needed help, leading to a call for volunteers who also believe in this mission. Today, we are a team of 4 dreamers and friends on a mission to spread the message of this platform!
While I still run the podcast single-handedly, it has fallen to the bottom of my list of priorities as I’ve pivoted my attention to hosting more events both online and (more recently) in person here in Dallas.
This journey has been a huge learning experience for me as organizing events and managing a team do not come naturally to me. I identify as an ambivert so even in the events I’m hosting, I do feel a little drained energetically and socially. However, to achieve the end goal of bringing people together, I know that this is necessary and well worth my time to make mistakes and grow with the process. After all, growth is always on the other side of fear.
I can’t wait to see what becomes of Don’t Be Strangers, especially because I have no idea what surprises the future will have in store for us!
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your business?
Don’t Be Strangers ✨☺️ is a podcast and community for learning to create meaningful connections together via collaborative conversations! We’re working to fight adult loneliness by changing the narrative that “making friends as an adult is hard.”
Our values include community, courage, curiosity, and most importantly big kid energy!
The podcast seeks to share everyday people’s stories to inspire the continued curiosity of life. There are no qualifications necessary to apply and anyone of any background is welcome to come on to have a conversation!
The community itself is primarily virtual on Discord and Instagram. We are seeking collaborators to host events both online and in person!
The ultimate goal for Don’t Be Strangers is to have city chapters all around the world hosted by ambassadors to create spaces where we can meet up physically to share skills, read books, make music, and create big kid energy experiences together.
Currently, we are running conversation game nights monthly where we take questions inspired by the podcast and bring them as conversation prompts in a small group setting (typically on the last Sunday night of every month)!
In October of 2022, we’ve begun collaborating with Nicole Gregory of Staycation Coffee in Richardson to start hosting these conversations in person (every 2nd Tuesday night of the month)!
What was your favorite childhood memory?
This isn’t quite a childhood memory, but it is a core memory that sparked my journey into community building.
Immediately upon graduating college, my closest friends had chosen to move out of town for their jobs. Some went to New York, others to San Francisco, and some stayed in Texas but relocated to Austin.
“Are you nervous about making friends as an adult?” I asked all of them, clearly anxious to find some solidarity from my friends.
“Nope!” They all answered, and I was again keenly aware of how alone I was.
For me, I was specifically interested in seeking friendships outside of my workplace. Separation of my work and social life was important because I didn’t want conversations from the office to bleed into my free time.
Despite my social anxiety, I knew I had to make an effort if I wanted to find friends. So, I searched for meetups online and deliberately showed up to events alone (*yes, it was terrifying*).
It was during this era that I stumbled across Ladies Wine and Design. A new chapter had just opened in our city, and since I didn’t work in the creative industry, I was craving to surround myself with more artistic types. What I sincerely appreciated about the structure of the group was that each monthly event was deliberately designed to be intimate. With only 10 RSVPs available per event, the no-show rate was near minimum as there was an essence of exclusivity to the group.
When the girls at this design meetup group suggested to go climb together two weeks ago, I didn’t think they’d actually organize and make it happen. I have a deep fear of heights which was now doubling the uneasiness I felt in social gatherings.
Fortunately, I’ve always had an even deeper curiosity of overcoming my fears.
I entered the climbing gym, wiping the sweat that was now accumulating on the palms of my hands. I hadn’t really expected this, given that the first two times I attended events with this particular group I hadn’t felt any special connection to anyone. So, when I showed up at the climbing gym that night and heard one of the girls call out my name “XinYi! Over here!” from the back corner of the atrium…
I felt a warmth embrace me so gently and fiercely,
I felt like I was returning home.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.dontbestrangers.club/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontbestrangers/
- Other: https://www.eventbrite.com/o/dont-be-strangers-podcast-42515005283
