Today we’d like to introduce you to Tamara Greer.
Hi Tamara, thanks for joining us today. We’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
My journey began April of 2008. I was 32 weeks pregnant with my first child. It was an unexpected pregnancy, but with every kick and movement, I fell more in love. That April I had spent a month in the hospital due to the doctor being concerned about the umbilical cord not functioning properly. So, when the doctor came in one day and said that I had to have an emergency C-section, I was terrified and excited. April 21st changed my life; my daughter was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, and hearing her first cry brought tears to my eyes. I had never heard anything as beautiful. Never in a million years did I realize that two weeks later, my daughter would pass away from a pulmonary hemorrhage in her lungs due to a complication of a surgery that she had to have on her intestine, To say that I was shocked would be an understatement all I could think about was every kick and the day I heard her first cry, My mind body and soul were numb I felt nothing no anger, no sorrow nothing I was in a sunken place, and there was no way of coming out of it. After the funeral I was completely changed I felt ashamed and embarrassed that people knew that my daughter left me that I lost a child. Before me, I never knew anyone who lost a baby, so I thought people were thinking something was wrong with me, or it was something I did. No one could relate to what happened to me; everyone would say God’s timing or I’m praying for you, but did they really know what it was like to carry a baby and lose it? For months I struggled with my grief. I started drinking NyQuil daily to sleep because my mind would go back to the day she died over and over. My mom saw an almost empty bottle of NyQuil on the counter and intervened, and I told her that I would stop and find other ways to cope, and after that day I did. Life seemed a little brighter I was no longer the old me, but I had learned to accept the new me and heal I tried therapy it helped, but my therapist had not gone through loss, so it just seemed like her answers were a little generic. I had finally got back in the flow of life and living again although I thought of my daughter every day, I could smile and truly be happy the loss was finally behind me or so I thought. In 2012 just 4 years after the loss of my daughter, I fell pregnant this time it was an ectopic pregnancy. I was having severe cramping after a trip to Atlanta. I thought my appendix was about to rupture, but surprised I was pregnant! I started crying in the emergency room because of losing my daughter. I just wasn’t prepared to hear that news. I was transferred to my OB, and there she saw that it was a tubal pregnancy and that I would need to abort it. I was devastated how could this be I was still in so much pain, but I still wanted to save the baby if possible, but there was no way in doing that. The next day I received four injections to dissolve the fetus, that will result in an abortion. So that weekend I waited still in pain nothing happened I called the doctor on Monday and explained that I was still hurting and that I wasn’t feeling right. They insisted it was constipation and that I should wait it out. I continued to call because I knew something was not right, and they finally let me come in and see the doctor. After the ultrasound, the tech went out and called the doctor and she came in with sandals on because it was her day off and said that I will be having emergency surgery right now. I was calm when she said it because she was very calm and said go downstairs to the er and check-in, and they will come and get you. I asked, so the injections didn’t work. And she said no, they didn’t. So I go to the ER and check in; as I’m filling out the paperwork she comes running towards me in her flip-flops screaming what are you doing? You need to be getting prepped for surgery right now, or you are going to hemorrhage, and I can’t save you. I stood up, and we ran to the operating table! After the surgery, I was told that because of the fetus’s size they had to take my whole left Fallopian tube it could not be saved. At that point, I thought, well I guess I will never have kids I wasn’t educated on infertility or anything infertility related. So The next ten years I focused on me worked hard, traveled, enjoyed my life, and in 2021 I married the love of my life. My husband is my rock, and he also doesn’t have any children but wants some one day. We had this conversation before we got married and his faith is so strong he has always said is God’s timing will bring us children, when he is ready. The fall of 2021 I started consulting with a fertility doctor to get testing done to see if it was even an option for us. All of our test came back good, and we were excited to start figuring out next steps. We had an appointment in April set to discuss next steps, but something told me to take a pregnancy test, and it was positive. We didn’t even get to start treatments we conceived naturally all on our own! I was so excited, but something was wrong. I went to the doctor, and she told us the I had a blood clot formed in the yolk sac and that it will lead to a miscarriage. My heart broke, but this time I was also happy, I grieved for the loss of this baby, but I also thanked god for the blessing of keeping his word. The same time I was having the miscarriage I had to attend a baby shower and a gender reveal on the same day, and I can say it was a test because in my pain and grief, I could still genuinely celebrate other people’s blessing. That is what I AM THE BFP is no matter what negative situations come your way don’t project that onto others when they are celebrating their wins. God put this mission on my heart because I felt so alone in my infertility journey with no one to talk to that could relate no one that understood what I needed to heal. I know the pain and loneliness this journey can bring, and I am here to say no more. Infertility is not a journey that is meant to be walked alone. I have created a space for women to feel heard, encouraged, and healed. It all starts with a positive mindset to turn that IN in infertility to two little feet.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way? Looking back, would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
One of the challenges I have faced is that women going through infertility feel like they have to keep it a secret. Some cultures look down and treat women differently who cannot bear children naturally. It’s a very vulnerable and touchy subject to open up to someone about trying to conceive. Many women have not come out about their infertility to family and friends so to be a part of an organization where we embrace and celebrate our infertility can be challenging. I will say that the more we have these discussions and platforms, the more women will be more willing to disclose their infertility status because we can learn from one another and also help one another through our journeys if we talk about it.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next, you can tell us a bit more about your business.
I AM THE BFP is an infertility support group in Dallas, Texas catering to women who are dealing with infertility and infant loss. Our goal is to create a safe space for women to come and feel encouraged and supported in a positive fulfilling sisterhood. As woman going through infertility myself, I know that experiencing loss can be very draining to the mental and without the proper support detrimental. Our motto is “Be The Positive You Want To See” your journey doesn’t start when you see that positive pregnancy test it starts when you begin your journey! There are so many negatives that happen during the infertility journey here we go through them together and rely on our faith to keep us focused on what’s ahead. Monthly Zoom calls and Monthly Meetups will keep you motivated in your journey as well as build long-lasting relationships in this sisterhood. Mother’s Day will also be celebrated whether you have child or not because we all deserve to be celebrated for Mother’s Day, even if our babies are in heaven. Also we are going to incorporate spouses as well because they are going through infertility, and we want to encourage and motivate love and happiness to keep the household together because the strain on infertility in a relationship can be disastrous. So, if you are looking to be part of a positive fun loving, faith-driven infertility support group look no further!
Alright, so before we go, can you talk to us a bit about how people can work with you, collaborate with you or support you?
All support is much needed and appreciated! The best way you can do that is by following us on all our social media platforms as well as making donations if possible. If you follow us, we will announce all of our upcoming events and speaking engagements where you can come and meet us and get more info and support. If you would like to collaborate or have a great business idea to pitch, please email us or contact us on our social media platform. We are open to collaborating with anyone that will bring positive, uplifting Information to our sisterhood.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamtheb.f.p/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100089366067315
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBW1olVdO2Su_OV1zgYm5UA
