We recently had the chance to connect with Paul Demer and have shared our conversation below.
Paul, a huge thanks to you for investing the time to share your wisdom with those who are seeking it. We think it’s so important for us to share stories with our neighbors, friends and community because knowledge multiples when we share with each other. Let’s jump in: Who are you learning from right now?
Thank you for the opportunity to share. I’m learning a lot from my 6-month-old daughter. I’m learning that it’s ok to put my phone down for extended periods of time. That the person right in front of me is more deserving of my attention than the people on Instagram. That this life is a fragile miracle. That just being still and looking into another person’s eyes in wonder and delight is a great use of my time.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
My name is Paul Demer and I’m a singer-songwriter, record producer, outreach musician, worship leader, and family man. One interesting thing about me and my music making is that I wear a lot of different hats. I write my own songs and record and perform them, but I also help other artists write and make records. I play concerts in traditional venues but also in churches, nursing homes and living rooms. I love music but I also love being a dad and hanging out with my wife and my daughter.
In this season of being a new dad, my time is a bit more limited, but I am working on producing records for several great artists in DFW and beyond. I’m also continuing to write my own music and I am working on recording some personal songs inspired by becoming a father, in addition to a larger multi-album church music project that I’ve been chipping away at for a few years now.
One part of my musical life that I’ve not had as much time to pursue lately is playing music in nursing homes. I’ve been doing this for almost 15 years now and it is very meaningful to me. That’s been the part I’ve had to put on pause since becoming a dad but I hope to return to that work once our daughter is a bit older. In some ways, spending time with the very young and the very old is similar. On both ends of our lifespan, things slow down a bit. We become more present. We cherish the small moments. It is grounding for me to have those multi-generational friendships and I think it has had an influence on my music.
Great, so let’s dive into your journey a bit more. Who taught you the most about work?
I have so many early memories of watching my dad do excellent work. He is also a musician and I grew up watching him practice, perform, and produce music. It often involved traveling. Sometimes it was on big stages in fancy concert halls and sometimes it was in nursing home dining rooms (I learned about playing music at nursing homes from my dad). In every venue my dad was present, focused, professional, kind, and invested in giving the audience a quality experience of music. That has left a big impression on me. When I show up to a gig with extra cables and an extra set of strings (and sometimes an extra instrument to have as a backup) it’s because my dad taught me to be prepared for when things inevitably break down on the job. He taught me to leave early in case there was traffic on the way. To be a good communicator and to make sure that the person who booked me knows what to expect and that I’m grateful for the opportunity to perform at their venue. My dad has been a long-time member of the musician’s union and, when I first got started as a professional musician, he encouraged me to advocate for myself and not sell myself short. When I was growing up my friends’ parents would ask, “what do your parents do for a living?” I’d answer, “they’re musicians.” The well-meaning adults would then ask, “but what do they do to make money?” “They’re musicians.” A lot of people feel torn between their art and a pressure to “get a real job.” My parents, and especially my dad, taught me that it is possible to do both. I’m grateful for that.
When you were sad or scared as a child, what helped?
I remember lying in bed having a hard time falling asleep sometimes as a kid. I could be pretty anxious. Maybe it was a big test at school or some interpersonal drama with friends or some bigger struggle. I’d often sing “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so” to myself. My version of counting sheep. That simple song is still a centering place I come back to over and over again. Trusting that the God who made me loves me and cares about me makes all the difference in the world. It’s easy to forget that, but I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow my need to remember. I don’t know I’d get through life, which could be sad and scary as a kid, but much more so as an adult, without the love of Jesus. He’s a teacher, a life-long companion, and a shoulder to lean on in the dark of night.
Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. What’s a cultural value you protect at all costs?
Everybody, from the most successful and important person to the homeless person sleeping under the park pavilion, is made in the image of God and is worthy of dignity. That’s core for me, even as it is hard to live into that truth. In music as much as in any field, it’s so easy to get sucked into thinking that some people are the important people and everybody else is just a cog in the machine. The important people have lots of listeners, great taste, and an effortless charisma. If only I could get close to them and glean some of their brilliance. There is a place for connecting with people and learning from those who have been successful, but the moment it starts to feel like a popularity contest or some psychological de-evolution back into high school insecurity, I think something is amiss. If my trying to connect with that successful headlining artist I’m opening for means that I’m missing out on a meaningful conversation with a grateful listener who wants to linger in conversation, then I’m getting off track. Back to my 6-month-old, I really believe that the person right in front of me is the most important person at any given moment. I’m not great at actually living this out but I’m trying to be open to it.
Before we go, we’d love to hear your thoughts on some longer-run, legacy type questions. Have you ever gotten what you wanted, and found it did not satisfy you?
Riffing off of that last question, I think back to 2019. That was a special year in that I got to play events with a few of my favorite artists. Some of these people were easy to talk with, and some not as much. Those shows were special and I am honored to have gotten to share the stage with some of my heroes. But then life goes on, right? It didn’t fundamentally change the trajectory of my career. I didn’t become best friends with those artists. But that’s ok. They live in different cities and have their own families and communities. Over and over again I’m reminded that what matters most is what is right in front of me. I could dream about moving to a big music city like LA or Nashville but I’m here in Dallas. How can I be a part of this music community and culture and discover what works here, even if it looks different from those big music cities? That question excites me these days. There are so many incredible local artists, and meaningful arts organizations like Art House Dallas that are bringing folks together. I’ve never broken out of this local scene but, these days, I’m ok with that. Even us small ones have a part to play in the big story of creative living.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://pauldemer.com
- Instagram: @pauldemer
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/pauldemer
- Youtube: https://youtube.com/pauldemer
- Other: https://patreon.com/pauldemer
