We recently had the chance to connect with XinYi Xan and have shared our conversation below.
XinYi, so good to connect and we’re excited to share your story and insights with our audience. There’s a ton to learn from your story, but let’s start with a warm up before we get into the heart of the interview. What do you think is misunderstood about your business?
I think the most misunderstood thing about my platform Don’t Be Strangers is that people think it’s a business, when in reality it’s a playground for my values: community, courage, and curiosity.
Don’t Be Strangers first started as a podcast out of curiosity to share the stories of everyday people. I invited strangers to hop on a call with me to ask deep questions, and I invited listeners to tune in to discover how two strangers (my guest and I) get to know each other over the course of this conversation. Of course, it was still nerve wrecking even if the format was my own idea! I’m an introvert. But I loved this idea that through listening to other people’s stories, we can start to feel less alone. So despite my anxieties, I lean into my courage to have these conversations.
One curiosity led to another and the podcast turned into an e-mail pen pals club. The pen palers wanted to virtually meet, so I began hosting online events! And from online events (which were terrifying to host at first), I decided the next natural progression would be in-person ones. Had you told college me that I would one day host and lead group events, she would have laughed.
So as you see, every decision made for Don’t Be Strangers has been led by play, a desire to know what’s on the other side of fear, and a burning desire to connect those of us who long for a sense of belonging (me included).
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I was born in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and moved with my family to Dallas, Texas, when I was seven years old. The transition was tough! Not only was English not my first language, but I also skipped almost an entire school year due to the move. Adjusting to 2nd grade in a completely new culture and language while trying to make friends was a challenge. Even as I became more fluent in English, I never quite felt at home—anywhere.
Culturally, I existed in a strange in-between. I wasn’t fully American, but whenever my family visited Malaysia, it was clear I didn’t entirely belong there either. I felt a constant sense of otherness, unable to anchor myself to one identity. My creative pursuits mirrored this uncertainty. I could never commit to a single medium, not out of indecision (well, maybe a bit), but because I found joy in the process of experimenting, mixing, and layering different art forms! Before I embraced the term “creative chimera,” I often felt lost, unable to define my art and, by extension, myself.
The turning point was in post graduation, when I was starting to try to make friends as an adult outside of school. I found it hard enough to find friends in school, the thought of having to do it outside of school was terrifying. But the thing that haunted me the most from making friends at school was that I never felt close to any of my friends. There was a mental barrier in which I would unknowingly deflect closeness by asking my friends deeper and deeper questions. The more they shared with me, the closer they felt to me. But I never felt the same sentiment in return. There was a natural fear that no one would ever understand me. The otherness from being raised cross culturally and multi passionate made it feel possible to belong.
At some point, I decided I needed a change. I no longer wanted to feel alone within my friendships, so I started opening up and being honest. To my surprise, all my friends were very understanding and willing to listen. And with each friend who accepted me as I was, I began to feel less like an alien and more like I belonged on Earth. I felt a growing sense of home, not tied to a place or a culture, but to the people who made me feel seen and heard.
My passion for Don’t Be Strangers stems from a deep understanding of what otherness feels like. If you didn’t know that you could be accepted as you are, then we’re here to show you that it’s possible.
Appreciate your sharing that. Let’s talk about your life, growing up and some of topics and learnings around that. What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
I feel like stubbornness is the root of conflict, the unwillingness to see another side. To actively combat this, I think it’s important to explore ideas outside of your realm of knowing. This is why having conversations with strangers is so powerful, because it can help you tap into perspectives you’ve never considered before.
At the core of Don’t Be Strangers, that’s what we’re trying to help people do — have deeper conversations with ourselves and others. The more we converse with ourselves (through journaling and reflection) the clearer we can see who we are. This self clarity also helps with having better conversations to learn from others.
What’s something you changed your mind about after failing hard?
At the end of 2023, I felt inspired to pursue and host a type of event I would have never dared to try in the past — a retreat. I wanted to try to merge two of my passions in life, travel and community building.
The first attempt was a 2024 spring break retreat in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico where my co-host and I would gather an intimate group of women to disconnect from our everyday hustle and to reconnect with ourselves. We spent 6 months trying to market this project with no sign up. A month before we were supposed to go on the retreat, my co-host said she didn’t feel inspired to keep pushing the project so we let it go.
Objectively speaking, this would be considered a failure. But if the point of life is to gain experience, then everything can be considered a win. Spending over 6 months prepping, launching, and marketing this retreat that we had to to cancel taught me about what it took to organize an event of this scale.
Almost immediately after this “failure,” I decided to pivot and opted to arrange a retreat of a similar structure closer to home. Instead of having to fly out of country, I chose a cozy weekend roadtrip format for the second iteration. This second attempt went a lot better, and I hosted my first ever retreat in September 2024 at a lakeside house with my co-host Anna of @alignanduplevelcoaching. Since then, we’ve hosted the same retreat again in September 2025 with a mix of returning and new guests! And we are now planning our next bigger adventure in Tulum, Mexico March 2026!
The lesson I learned here is that failures don’t really exist. While it felt a little embarrassing that we had to call off something we were planning for so long, in the end, I know that no one really cares but me. And if I’m the only one who cares, I can give myself grace and move on.
Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. What truths are so foundational in your life that you rarely articulate them?
I believe that everyone is creative regardless of whether they think they are capable of self expression in the traditional artistic sense. I feel that being human means we have a need to create, expression, and to be creative. This can look different for everyone. From solving technical problems in creative ways or curating your closet, these are all forms of self expression and creativity.
For someone to deny themselves of creativity is to devoid themself of life. It is important to create space and time for self expression, even if it is as small as how you arrange your workspace or what you wear for the day. As long as there is a choice involved, you are participating in your own creative expression.
Okay, so let’s keep going with one more question that means a lot to us: When do you feel most at peace?
I feel most at peace when I’m creating art. It’s one of the few activities that automatically kicks me into flow state, a liminal space where ideas and connections appear easily. I love the exploration of who I am when I interact with a given medium (writing, photography, fashion, film, illustration). Everything I do is lead by curiosity, and asking good questions lead to interesting results. I love this process of self discovery and learning.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://dontbestrangers.my.canva.site/dream-rest-play
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontbestrangers
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@creativechimera-studio
Image Credits
Amanda Emily Bayacal
