Today we’d like to introduce you to Allison D’Auteuil.
Allison, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
In 2011, our third child, Mercy Elizabeth, was diagnosed in utero with Trisomy 13. Her prognosis was fatal. She was born full term and lived for 13 days. The loss of Mercy’s life began our family on our grief journey. As a mom to two other kids, “the Bigs”, I searched for resources to help them deal with grief. I wanted to find a kind of “what to expect as your kids grieve” book. I found very little resources for grief related to sibling loss, which lead me to create TeamMercy.org. I envisioned TeamMercy.org to be a clearinghouse of resources for families experiencing the death of a child while still raising other children.
I wanted help in navigating the new normal of our family. I wanted our family to not only survive the death of Mercy but to thrive. I want that for all families. We had a team of people supporting us, offering us their resources, sharing their experiences. Living after a loss, I learned, is a team effort. Our immediate family, relatives, friends, neighbors, church members, the kids’ teachers and many more, all of these were part of the team, supporting us: the adults and the kids. TeamMercy.org is named for the Team effort it takes to walk the grief journey and the little girl who showed us with that team love is all we need.
TeamMercy.org exists to support families with age-appropriate grief resources for children and their parents. We offer free Grief Resources Packets which include grief journals, coloring books, a book about understanding death and celebrating life, and much more. TeamMercy.org also funds Mercy’s Gift, a grant for children funding an existing activity for a semester or more. Continuing the activity from before the death of the sibling to the new normal of life without the sibling builds a bridge of consistency and stability.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
It has not always been a smooth road. In the beginning, before TeamMercy.org formed, we started out as the Mercy Whitfield memorial scholarship at vista ridge discovery preschool. It was a great start, but we wanted to reach more than the families attending that school.
We wanted to help any family experiencing the death of a child. We wanted to serve the needs of that child/ ren, and that family. We would need to branch out. This became Mercy’s Gift. A grant providing funding for an existing extracurricular, academic or mental health-related activity. We are able to provide what that family needs. It is child specific. One child might need to continue in Karate, while another in Oboe lessons and still another continue to attend a language camp or horse therapy.
Another challenge/struggle: getting the word out. How do we let families know our service exists? We have shared information regarding our serves with ChildLife specialist at several hospitals, Community Hospice, other grief ordinations such as A Memory Grows, MEND, Carson’s Village, and others. But the struggle continues. Grief Care for children regarding sibling death is still very limited. Often when a child dies the parents are in such a state of grief, the other children are unintentionally left out of the grief conversation.
There are many programs for children who have lost a parent or grandparent. While grief is grief, there are aspects of sibling loss and grief that is different to parent loss/grief. By supplying the age appreciate Grief Resource Packets to families we are able to provide those connections to inclusion.
TeamMercy.Org – what should we know? What do you guys do best? What sets you apart from the competition?
TeamMercy.org specializes in grief care in families that have lost a child and have other living children still in the home. We are known for of Mercy’s Gift and the age-appropriate Grief Packets.
As an organization, we have people willing to go the extra mile, by being ambassadors for TeamMercy. They do so by participating in various activities while sharing the mission of TeamMercy. The group I am extremely fond of are those who complete in a 200-mile run. They do this in memory and honor of families who have lost a child. For three years a team of 12 runners have completed 600 miles (200 each year) in memory of a child who has died and their living siblings. Each mile has been dedicated to a sibling set. Each child’s name is written, called aloud, and prayed for before, during, and after the run. It is powerful for the runners, the team, and the families.
TeamMercy.org connects families to resources. We collect information on all kinds of resources for families touched by infant/child death for all kinds of situations. Because the grief journey is unique for everyone, TeamMercy.org encourages families in building their team of support to fit their needs. What we offer is not one size fits most organization.
What is “success” or “successful” for you?
I define success in laughter and tears. The ability to have a healthy laugh and a healthy cry while remembering and saying the name of a child who has died is a success. For a child to know it is ok to talk about their sibling who has died and not feel as though it is taboo is a success. For a family to know they have a team of support walking with them on the grief journey is a success.
When someone reaches out for grief resources for the child/children of a family experiencing a loss and we are able to provide those, that is success. Long term, the markers of our success will be the children in the families we were able to provide grief care packages and Mercy’s Gift. Currently, TeamMercy.org measures success one family at a time.
Contact Info:
- Address: 1079 W. Round Grove Rd., Suite 300-504
Lewisville, TX 75067 - Website: www.teammercy.org
- Phone: 214-945-0894
- Email: info@teammercy.org
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teammercynpo/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/siblingsupportafterloss/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/TeamMercynpo
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