Today we’d like to introduce you to Lola Dada-Olley.
Hi Lola, so excited to have you on the platform. So, before we get into questions about your work-life, maybe you can bring our readers up to speed on your story and how you got to where you are today.
I am a mom, wife, sister, friend, lawyer, advocate, podcast host, and writer, amongst other things. I am a first-generation American born to Nigerian immigrant parents; I was raised in the Chicago area and moved to Dallas about 7 years ago. I spent much of my life chasing what ultimately were societal definitions of success, but only recently do I feel like I am only starting to redefine what success means on my own terms based on a better understanding of what I want out of life and what I don’t.
I am the older sister to an autistic and intellectually disabled man. I am the mother of two children on the autism spectrum, a boy and a girl. I have always advocated for my brother and children, but my family made the decision to more publicly advocate in 2020, in the midst of the pandemic by launching our podcast, the “Not Your Mama’s Autism” podcast.
The podcast is comprised of personal narratives of my family’s multigenerational autism journey told through the lens of various forms of intersectionality: disability, race, gender, and the immigrant experience. But it also has many episodes on topics that are connected to, but outside our personal family stories like corporate disability inclusion efforts, community policing, health care professionals, and the rich personal stories of other neurodivergent and disabled people.
Once my parents can no longer care for him, the day will come when I will need to take on caregiving duties for my little brother. My daughter, like my brother, will also need lifetime care due to her intellectual disability. So, the day will come when my husband and I will be caring for both of them as we all age.
With that in mind, I was asked to write a column for PsychCentral.com, titled “The Caregiver’s Chronicles” on the lessons learned on my lifetime caregiving journey.
So, my life is quite full, also being a mom and being married, but it has a level of meaning that I cannot always describe. I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing this season.
I’m sure you wouldn’t say it’s been obstacle free, but so far would you say the journey has been a fairly smooth road?
Ha! My life is the opposite of smooth. It has been a bumpy, sometimes long, winding road to get to where I am today. There are now sibling support groups for people who are currently growing up as I did. I was the first child, so I sometimes took on the role of a third parent to help parents. I now know how common that is for people with siblings who have significant health care needs. I learned to advocate for him at an early age as a result. I watched how people treated him sometimes, I heard what people said about him and about us by proxy and it was hard sometimes.
More recently, having two neurodivergent children, one with an intellectual disability, while navigating a season of social distancing was extremely difficult. For a period of time, my kids didn’t have the health care they needed, and my daughter regressed for a period of time. She lost some of the progress she gained over several years of therapy, and our family was very isolated because our health care village was inaccessible.
During that time, my husband and I took on the roles of various therapists while working from home and teaching our children. It is a chapter of our lives that we definitely don’t want to repeat, but we made it through intact as a family.
Being both a sister and now a mom to loved ones that are autistic and/or intellectually disabled, I have had my fair share of Deja vu moments. I have relived some past hurt that has helped us for our decision to be more public about our advocacy efforts. My husband and I have had to advocate for our children in the areas of education and health care, and we know that, since they are just 11 and 9, there is still a long way to go.
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I am a multi-hyphenate at a point in my career where I am getting to tap into personal and professional passions; the personal and professional are merging in a really interesting way. I am known for being unapologetically human, but I am also in a professional space where I can use both my people skills and my strategic mind to advise clients. I’ve used my past educational and professional experience to create a pretty unconventional career path.
As an attorney, part of my job now involves legally advising business partners on matters involving the Americans with Disabilities Act and digital accessibility.
But, besides the obvious answers of being more present for my kids and husband in this season, I am most proud of forgiving myself. There were times in my life when I was not kind to myself; I had a lot of mommy guilt when it came to moving my children to Texas at a time when they needed consistent, high-quality health care. At the time, I couldn’t give them what they needed, particularly my daughter. The guilt nearly crushed me, despite the circumstances being beyond my control. I can finally and honestly say that I am now in a place where I know I did the best I could under extremely difficult circumstances with the information I had at the time. I am not afraid to be vulnerable when the time calls for it and I think that sets me apart from others. Amazing career opportunities have presented themselves out of the decision to be vulnerable.
For example, the decision to launch the podcast led to an invitation to write a column and do a TEDx talk, which eventually led to the legal role I am in now along with speaking engagements. I am also honored in this season to be on two Dallas area non-profit boards devoted to improving the quality of life of people with disabilities, Bryan’s House and My Possibilities.
If we knew you growing up, how would we have described you?
I was a highly empathetic child who loved her family, enjoyed writing, and grew to have a deep love of sports, particularly basketball. As the oldest child in an immigrant family, I was always aware of the legacy, and I believed that any perceived personal failure was the family’s failure. I was very hard on myself and, in some ways, still am. I jokingly call myself a Recovering Type A personality. So, I am hopefully now more of a proud B+.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://notyourmamasautism.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notyourmamasautism/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NotYourMamasAutism
- Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/6jWxBGW3Jc1VVkWd8NMnT9?si=dcc1377ca92f4a35
