Today we’d like to introduce you to Marilyn Setu.
Marilyn, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
My mom was one of those barefoot hippies living in NYC in the early ’70s. She ventured to Indonesia by way of friends and was introduced to my father who was the equivalent to an artistic director at the local cultural performing arts center. They fell in love, married, and had three children, of which I was the first. In the late ’80s, we packed up and trekked across the globe by plane, boat, and automobile to DFW in search of the “American Dream.”
The “American Dream” was one that was hard to chase. From living as an upper-middle-class family, due to the high relative poverty in Jakarta, to being of lower class in the US took a hard toll on my family. Adding one more kid to the Setu tribe which rounded us off to an even six, forced my parents to take on what odd jobs they could to make ends meet. My dad worked where he could serve as a car washing attendant and busing tables at Olive Garden.
Mom was a nail tech at the neighborhood beauty salon for her entire term carrying my baby sister. We hopped around a bit until settling in Haslet, Texas. Growing up in Haslet, I went to a school where I was in a pool of about 20 minorities of which three of them were my siblings. We were known as “The brown kids who didn’t go to church.”
Following in my parent’s footsteps, I got into dancing. Performing dance routines would give me just enough of that visceral and immersive experience I craved, but it would always leave me wanting more. I knew I could move to emote, but I wanted to scream, laugh, sing, and tell people what I was feeling in a different and powerful way. I just didn’t know how.
Ever since I was young, I loved to create environments. I was inspired by movies like Legend and Labyrinth and would decorate my room to reflect those movies that shaped me as a person. I was the kind of kid that would rifle through my neighbor’s garbage for salvageable items that I re-purposed to add character to a small corner of my room or a secret hiding place.
One time I found a pile of old silk flowers in my neighbor’s trash and took them to the back yard to set the scene for an imaginary play session in my version of the Secret Garden. It didn’t matter that it resembled a graveyard with no headstones, in my mind, I brought dreary Misselthwaite Manor to life.
My mom enrolled me in the kid’s improv classes at Casa Manana at the age of 11. Middle school was a hot dumpster fire. Shortly after recovering middle school, I joined the cast of a local Renaissance fantasy fair as Ruby the Valley Elf where I thrived with my weird Renny friends.
And then I got cast in my first high school play where I got to play a highly dysfunctional, inebriated, out of work ballerina. I found my laughter, I found my tribe, and I was hooked. My high school theatre teacher (Michelle Howard-Schwind) taught me how to be graceful under pressure and theater etiquette. She also taught me that girls could be funny too.
I went to college for acting. I worked hard and played harder. I did what every young actor in their 20s did. I worked the service industry circuit, booked as many gigs that would hire me, under-slept, self-medicated, collaborated with friends, laughed a lot, loved hard, cried harder, poured every cent into investing back into my craft, and then took every opportunity to search for my validation in all of it, and I loved it.
In my late 20’s, I got an amazing opportunity to move to New York by way of a close friend who got accepted to NYU. I rode her coattails straight to the Big Apple. The city devoured me, and I let it. The few years I spent there aged me rapidly. I learned that I could be myself un-apologetically and people would either respect that or not care at all. I’ve met the most creative, hungry, and driven individuals I’ve ever met in my life.
I experienced the most groundbreaking, heart-stopping, soul-crushing, and inspiring art I’d ever seen. I walked in the footsteps of my hippy mother and took classes at Alvin Ailey. I held multiple jobs as a barista and dog walker to make rent for my tiny shoe box apartment.
I stomped the length of that city with my sister, in our chunky combat boots, coffee in hand, cat eyeliner for days, and messy top bun. All the while feeling that something was brewing very deep inside me and I could not wait for the day I could unleash it to the world. It wasn’t until recently that I found my voice, that’s when my directing career began.
We’re always bombarded by how great it is to pursue your passion, etc. – but we’ve spoken with enough people to know that it’s not always easy. Overall, would you say things have been easy for you?
Oh gosh no. My turbulent childhood made me crave control, stability, and structure in the environments I create, both on and off stage. As the oldest of four, the responsibility fell on me to make sure my mom and my siblings felt safe and happy. Creating safe places for the ones I love is still a pillar of who I am as an artist and a person.
As previously mentioned, I grew up in a school with an extremely low minority count with an almost nonexistent Asian American community. It was a constant battle finding acceptance among my peers. It took a lot of soul-searching on my end to finally accept who I was. My family was different, and it was something to be proud of, not hide. I just didn’t realize that until much later.
In my 5th grade year, my father moved back to Indonesia leaving my mother to raise her four bi-racial children alone in a predominately white community. We lost track of our father sometime after the 2004 tsunamis that devastated the communities along the surrounding coasts of the Indian Ocean. Some attempts at communication have been made, but all have failed. My mother and I became partners at raising the kids, which forced me to grow up overnight.
We made it our purpose in life to manifest joy through creating art as a family. In high school and later in college I began to explore my life as an artist. A lot happened during my time between being an anxious teenager and being an anxious 30 something. There was a short bout of homelessness with a minor case of thievery, countless reckless relationships, questionable employment choices, and many other challenges.
My last few months in New York were a struggle. I noticed that my body started to defy me. Fatigue would weigh on me no matter how well I cared for my health. I began to get overly anxious during social events where I normally could bebop my way through a crowd of strangers without dropping a beat. This combined with my crippling home sickness and a broken heart caused by a failed long-distance relationship, forced me to make the very tough decision that my time in NY must come to an end.
I came home, started all over again, got a job with decent insurance, and went to the doctor. I found out that I have a rare auto immune disease (Discoid Lupus). I was both crushed and relieved. I had an answer to the symptoms that plagued me for so long. One of the many symptoms of this autoimmune disease is extreme social anxiety.
One of my favorite sayings, when I find myself in a leadership role is: “You are not bossy, you are the boss.” Easier said than done of course. I am nothing if I am not an empathetic person, which catches me in trouble a lot. Having awareness of these challenges keeps me in check when the going gets tough. But that’s also where my tribe of loved ones come in. They can maintain me, support me, love me, and I honestly don’t know what I would do without them. They are the loves of my life, and without them, I would not be where I am today.
Breaking into directing has presented its own challenges. There is a small percentage of minority directors, leaders, and designers in DFW theatre today. Among these leaders are the trailblazers who taught me in school and gave me my first jobs. They’re continuing to drive their mission and create opportunities. I’ve worked for them, beside them, been inspired by them, and today I count myself lucky to be among them.
This community still has a long way to go, but I’m so thankful to see growth in this industry: more women and minorities in leadership roles, and more diverse people getting to tell their own stories. It has been a difficult road to directing. The lack of inclusiveness that has DFW theatre is a barrier for many minorities and being the only female in the room can be daunting.
I believe my experience as a female minority director has made me more aware of the need for more diverse voices in theater, on stage and off.
We’d love to hear more about what you do.
By day, I am a Technical Analyst for an educational software development company where I provide consultative technical support to Educators across the country.
By nights and weekends, I perform on stage and direct in the DFW theatre community. As much as I enjoy the technical field, my passion is in the arts. Currently, I am taking a step back from performing so I can focus on creating and directing. Although I love being on stage, directing is both terrifying and exhilarating. It has empowered me in ways I never imagined and has helped me find my voice. I’ve always had a hard time expressing what I truly felt in my own words, so I let the shows I direct speak for me.
I have worked at many theatres in the DFW area, and I am proud to say that I have taken on nearly every role of producing a show. Taking on those roles helped to shape me as a director by giving me a deep understanding of what each role entails and has helped me develop patience, adaptability, communication, flexibility, and compassion. Above all, it has given me the chance to form my own artistic vision and learn what I can provide to the community today.
Another one of my favorite sayings is “Create what you wish existed.” I want to fulfill my dream of making this community a more inclusive place by staging more new works by minorities, more shows that combat the forces of racism and sexism in our society today, more shows where future generations of marginalized artist can find their voices. One day I would like to create my own show from the ground up that reflects these values.
Currently, I am in the process of directing Once On This Island at The Firehouse Theatre. The show opens March 28 and runs through April 14. This summer I am directing a staged reading for Flexible Grey Theatre Company.
Has luck played a meaningful role in your life and business?
There have been strange times in my life when I asked the universe to help guide me. I usually had a vague idea of how I wanted to feel or be. I made myself open and vulnerable to the universe and listened for the opportunities it brought my way. And the universe usually delivered. I guess some would call that luck, but nothing materialized out of thin air for me. I manifested it. You cannot expect to get what you want if you don’t ask for it, if you don’t work for it, or if you don’t truly want it.
My success has always been the result of hard work and taking risks, like saying yes to those that offered me opportunities (no matter how scary they were and no matter how much I didn’t feel ready). If it wasn’t for my dear friend Derek Whitener basically forcing me into directing my first show on my own, I honestly don’t know if I would have had the strength to step out of the assistant director role. I hadn’t found my voice yet, so I had very little faith in myself. He believed in me and gave me my first job.
Success comes from choosing to see challenges as opportunities to learn and to think more creatively. I know that I have taken risks in my directing career. I have learned from my choices and will continue to learn from each experience and challenge. I never let fear of failure define me or drive me away. Opportunities may present themselves in ways that seem like luck, but success is the result of our choices to pursue those opportunities.
Contact Info:
- Phone: 214-821-3729
- Email: marilynsetu@hotmail.com
- Instagram: @umewanderfree
- Facebook: Marilyn Setu
Image Credit:
Jason Anderson of Pendleton Photography, Paul Wingo, The Firehouse Theatre, Grapevine Runway Theatre
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