Today we’d like to introduce you to Hadley Grace.
Hi Hadley, can you start by introducing yourself? We’d love to learn more about how you got to where you are today.
I started writing poetry when I was a freshman in college. At the time, I was devoted to Evangelical Christianity. I prayed about everything, as I was told. I worried about everything, despite being told that praying would take that worry away. My anxiety was so intense that I never showed up late to class that entire year. I stayed silent in group conversations and had a very limited ability to express my emotions to anyone.
In my first semester, I went to a poetry event. There was one poet, one poem that changed my life. I heard more honesty in one poem than in 18 years of church services. I wanted to be that honest. Gradually, I replaced my prayer journals with poetry. In spiral notebooks, Word Documents, and the Notes app on my phone, I told the truth. At first, metaphors were a hiding place, somewhere I could cover my worst thoughts in clouds. But as I kept writing, I found myself in those places.
I went to therapy, I spoke on stages, and I got diagnosed with a variety of mental illnesses. Amid stays in mental hospitals and residential treatment centers, I shared my poetry publicly. I self-published two collections of poetry. I spoke, and people listened. They heard, and they related. Through poetry, I could express not only my feelings but feelings that countless other people share but don’t know how to say.
Poetry broke my silence. After nearly two decades of feeling invisible, I let myself be seen. I wrote about my queerness, something I’d sworn I’d never admit to anyone. I spent years closing my eyes to how gay I was (and am). Through writing, through sharing that writing, I saw myself. In more ways than one, poetry saved my life.
Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall, and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
Sometimes it feels as though it’s been all struggle and not smooth. Writing forced me to face the pain I was in. It’s a lot harder to bury suffering if you’ve already dug it up once. I think there was a point of no return after the first time I performed a poem for an audience. I told everyone I was struggling, and I couldn’t take it back. You can’t un-say something after speaking it into a microphone for a couple of hundred people. You can’t un-say something after speaking it to your therapist.
There’s also the self-doubt and imposter syndrome that seems to afflict any artist in any medium. The main struggle is what started it all: acute mental illness. Searching for answers, causes, solutions, treatments, and medications. The smoothest part of my road has been the support of my parents and friends over time. That, and my unwavering ability to ask for help when I most need it.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
I am a poet and a barista on the side. I write the kind of poetry that says out loud the things we’re afraid to tell our therapists. I love performing live. There’s nothing like being given a microphone to talk about the most difficult things I’ve gone through–coming out, being suicidal, trauma, struggling with self-harm and disordered eating–and people coming up to me and saying “me too,” “I know how you feel,” “you are not alone.”
I’m most proud of how I’ve been able to believe in myself amid unbearable pain. I decided to publish a poetry book while I was in the hospital at one of my lowest points. I published the second one in the middle of a pandemic, Taylor Swift/folklore style. I think what sets me apart from others is my willingness to share what I do publicly. Mental illness is still heavily stigmatized in this Society(TM). People don’t talk about being hospitalized for being suicidal. People don’t talk about what it feels like when you get out.
There’s been more conversation around mental health, but the messy, ugly, gross parts of being mentally ill are still taboo to talk about in daily life. But these are the experiences we need to hear. Before going to the hospital for the first time, I had no idea what I was getting into. But it helped, and if something I write makes someone feel emboldened to get help and treatment and go to therapy, I will write every day for the rest of my life.
Any advice for finding a mentor or networking in general?
If someone in your field/art form has a course to take, take it. I took an online poetry course last year and it was incredible. Not only did I learn from one of my favorite poets (Megan Falley), but I also found a group of like-minded poets interested in writing honestly and also getting published. If you want to perform poetry live, find an open mic or poetry event near you. But maybe I should take my advice. I should start going to more open mics.
Pricing:
- My first book, Oxygen & Everything Else is $10 on Amazon.
- My second book, My Therapist Heard It First, is $16 on Lulu.com
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thehadleygrace/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/thehadleygrace
- Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@thehadleygrace?lang=en
Image Credits
Hannah Jewel Haidle
