Today we’d like to introduce you to BRENDA JACKSON.
Hi BRENDA, it’s an honor to have you on the platform. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us – to start maybe you can share some of your backstory with our readers?
Answering Screams in the Night
Help, it’s a cry seldom voiced, and heard even less. Women cover their black eyes, and bruised lips, with a belief that somehow, things will get better. Thinking tomorrow can’t be as bad as today, they hang on until all their strength is gone and they have to let go. What happens after that? Some commit suicide, others react in anger and kill. Many run away but, finding nowhere to go, return to suffer more abuse. A fortunate few reach out and find help. They call us.
“Hi, how are you tonight?” Silence, broken only by muffled sobs, is all she hears as the caller tries to find courage to tell what happened. We listen to the stories more brutal than Halloween’s worst fright.
Brenda isn’t a degreed psychologist. She is one with an intense desire to help. Because she was beaten and left to die more than once, she understands what has happened on the other end of the phone. She cries because she knows the caller’s pain, and then begins to turn desperation into hope. “They don’t know where to turn or what to do,” Brenda says, speaking of her callers. “We just point them in the right direction. If they want spiritual support, we pray and refer them to a nearby pastor.
If they are local, we help them find a place to stay, or get counseling. We do a lot of referrals to other shelters in our area. We assist in job placement, utility bills, foods, clothing, and emergency needs. Trained workers assist them in getting food stamps, child care, section 8 housing and medical care. The rest is up to them.”
Abused women can’t see an alternative to their pain, so they endure it. The pressure builds. The injuries become more frequent and more severe. By the time suffering women finally reach Brenda, they are often on the verge of suicide or their lives are threatened.
“Callers are not just bruised in their bodies, their spirit is destroyed”, Brenda says. “They have lived without hope for so long; they can’t imagine how they would find a job and take care of their children. The hardest part is getting them to believe that is possible.”
A woman will often leave her husband 5 – 7 times, maybe more before she leaves for good. Thirty percent of all women who are killed in the United States, are murdered, by the same man their husband or boyfriend. Over 1,600 are killed each year in the U.S. alone since 2004. 34% of women are murdered in the US are killed by their partners/husbands. Studies show less than 20% of all abuse is even reported nationwide. This is such a tragedy! Last year over 130 were killed in Texas.
Why does she keep going back? The husband says he is sorry, and he won’t do it again, and the wife wants to believe that, so she does. Yet, each time the problems get worse. If she waits too long to break away we may read about her untimely death.
The need greatly exceeds the resources available. Shelters report than less than 30% of the women seeking help, will find long term housing. If relatives or friends don’t help, there is nowhere else to go. A woman has no choice but to return to the life of abuse.
“We do all we can,” Brenda says. “It will never be enough.” With their small budget, they are able to do more by using the volunteers willing to work to those who support them with food, clothing and more. Like Brenda, many volunteers came from an abusive environment, they know what it’s like, and want to help. Our goal is to show families that God loves them and with God all things are possible. Please call us if you need help. See www.tcfv.org for more information. 817-427-1111.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
The road has not been smooth, but it has been worth every step.
Our work began 30 years ago in my home and two metal warehouses. The very first mother came to me because her son was mowing my yard and asked if I would help his mom. I did everything I could. But the more I helped her, the angrier her husband became, and the abuse worsened. He broke ten bones in her body.
Eventually, we were able to get her into counseling, and she realized she had to leave. We found a church in another state that agreed to help her. She moved there with her eight children. Five years later, she went to college and became a nurse. The last I heard, she was a charge nurse at a local hospital, and three of her children had gone on to college.
She was the first. Many more followed. We operated out of my home for 18 years before purchasing a building in Richland Hills, where we are still located today. Currently, we are helping 160 families. Last year alone, we helped 1,205 women and children and distributed 1,355 Christmas gifts to mothers and their children.
The key to their success is simple but powerful: showing them that someone loves them and is here to help them. Counseling is a critical part of that support.
From June 1, 1995, until today, we have helped 16,200 mothers and children — and not one life has been lost to domestic violence.
I would be honored to share this story with your readers in hopes of bringing awareness to the reality of domestic violence and the life-changing power of love, support, and intervention.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
As you know, we’re big fans of I CAN STILL SHINE. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about the brand?
Taken from a story from years ago.
Why did you form I Can Still Shine it?
I had been a victim of abuse in my previous two marriages. In 1985, I left my husband because of abuse, and there weren’t any places like this back then. Basically, and I will be really honest, if you went to church and told your pastor that you had been beaten a lot of times, they would say that you need to be a better wife. Many times, they thought it was something wrong with the women or it was a family secret issue and to keep quiet.
The first time I left my first husband I was in critical condition and temporarily paralyzed from my neck down. I was told that it would be a long time until I could walk again, but I was able to walk after 6 weeks. No one deserves to be hit, beat or mistreated just because the spaghetti is bad. Basically, I have always known that I would do something to help people, but I didn’t expect this.
How did it begin:
It all started with a woman who had been beaten by her husband coming to me in 1995. At the time my husband and I helped her get food and counseling. That is when it began. We used our life savings to get this started. We probably put 30,000 of our own money in the Program just to see where it would go and for the first three years, we funded it ourselves.
The lady that I told you about, that we helped actually became a nurse, and shared what had happened to her, and we started to grow. Before I knew it, in 1999 we helped 99 families. I thought wow we are really big, but I had no idea what God was going to do. In 2000 we were above 505 people and in 2001 we helped 1450 and last year we helped over 500 people. On a busy day we get over 100 calls, however even on a slow day we get over 40 calls.
After these ladies leave the shelter, do you still help them?
In 1995 we began collecting a few canned goods from churches to help feed these families who had to flee their homes. Now we either pick up or have delivered over 3,000 cans of food that we give away each month. However, we could give away 8000 if we had them. We also have free clothing, and free counseling available. Now we are offering job training, tutoring, GED preparation and hands-on computer basic training. Plus, we also pay for counseling for men who have been abusive.
Do you believe that the number of abuse victims is growing?
I think it is coming to the forefront. I think more people are reporting it than ever before. I was abused; I would want to live in North Texas because there are so many people here to help. Domestic abuse has always been there. But in the past women have been afraid to report it. In 2000, we helped 500 people and this year we plan to help over 10
00. Does that mean that there were only 500 cases of abuse in 2000? No, that means that only 500 were able to get to us. Did you know that according to Texas Department of Public safety and www.tcfv.org of all the women killed in 1997 in Texas 35 percent were murdered by their intimate male partners?
How were you able to keep up with such a demand for help?
We have a very small budget, and people told me that I could never do it because I had to have government help. There is nothing wrong with that, but government help is very hard to get. We do this because we love to help these women. My husband does not draw a salary. He is a full-time nutritionist and helps me, but this is my full-time job. We feel that this is what God want us to be doing. I just love seeing these people succeed and have a better life than they had.
How does the organization support itself?
We have a lot of help from the community. For example, Costco’s give us bread every month. We literally give away almost 10,000 worth of items that are donated to us. We may not receive the biggest donations; we receive many other donations. In fact, Colleyville, Southlake, and Coppell are our biggest supporters in the way of donations. They donate clothing, decorations, food, and have canned food drives which enables us to distribute that for free to the women who come here. All women can receive donations for two years.
What exactly is the premise of the Program?
To stop violence, a lot of women do not know that it is unacceptable to be beaten.
How can that be true today?
There are cultures that are more accepting of abuse, plus many people believe that abuse is more prevalent in lower income, but I think that it is just reported more. Actually, there is abuse in every walk and income of life.
Does every woman leave when the abuse begins?
No, not every one of our ladies’ leaves. Many try to get the abuser to go to counseling. If they do leave, we get them into a 30-day shelter.
In your opinion, what is the answer?
I think that we need to hold the abuser accountable and there has to be more funding. Right now, in Texas if you abuse your partner, it is mandatory arrest if there are bruises or injuries, but when they get out, they are usually angrier and the abuse if worse. We always have to move fast after that happens. Remember, these abusers didn’t do this in the beginning, and the victim is afraid to leave. Usually, they don’t have any way to support themselves, so they just stay there.
Is abuse about control?
It is about power and control. The abuser has to believe that they have power over you.
How can people get in touch with your organization?
They can call us or visit our web site.
How would you describe Brenda Jackson?
She wants to be a caring person almost to a fault. She will give you the shirt off her back.
What do you hope to attain with this Program?
I realize that we only reach 1000 people a year right now, but slowly as we continue to grow, we are going to get to where 10,000 to 20,000 people’s lives have been changed because of it. All I ever dreamed I would do was to help that one lady in 1995 who came to me in the beginning. In our program our belief is “with God all things are possible” and you never know the difference that by just changing one life, we can make. Just by helping that first lady we change the course for her children. We find that as these people begin to see that they can have better lives, they are doing after that with everything they have.
If you had the opportunity to address a crowd with one message that is most important to you, what would that message be?
If you are getting abused, get help! Call us 817-427-1111.
Is there anything else you’d like to share with our readers?
We want to help people start over after abuse. It is hard and it will take some time but they will make it. Most women do not know of a way out or how they will make it. We have a 80 to 85% recovery rate of clients never returing to an abusive home. We have helped 16,200 mothers and children. Not one life has been lost to abuse from our clients.
We are one of the many agencies in DFW that help abused women. We partner with many agencies to help women and children.
We offer 10-12 services but we know who does other things if they need it to move forward in life.
Thank you for helping us change lives.
Pricing:
- FREE SERVICES
Contact Info:
- Website: https://WWW.ICANSTILLSHINE.ORG
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/brendajackson111?igshid=w1uieyvznf8r
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/icssp
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/icanstillshine
- Youtube: https://youtu.be/FNYtp6lxjCY
Image Credits
These are photos from our events.
