Today we’d like to introduce you to Grace Vroom.
Grace, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
About five years ago, I woke up in my Boston apartment with nasty hangover, a mountain of shame, and a deep desire to finally cut alcohol out of my life. I had used booze for years as a way to self-medicate through my parents’ divorce, the death of my grandparents, multiple breakups, and ultimately life in general. I was getting too used to waking up in a panic, trying to piece together the night before, and ultimately apologizing to too many people I loved. At that point, I had let alcohol keep me numb while in a bad relationship, on a mediocre career path, and in a city that made me feel deeply lonely. I decided I had to make a big change, or a few big changes rather. I ended my long-term relationship. I quit my job. I moved back to Texas. And I decided to get sober. I had removed my numbing agent for long enough to find an exciting new job, enjoy my family and friends in Dallas, start a beautiful new relationship, and gain some serious footing on this new path. While all of this turned out to be crucial for the betterment of my life, most of it was done out of procrastination. I was terrified about the part where I had to actually Get. Sober.
One morning I woke up after my 20th relapse since I had first started on my sober journey eight months prior and realized that I had spoken to my new partner the night before but hadn’t remembered any part of the conversation. I had fought so hard to change my life around, but I wasn’t able to enjoy it or maintain it. I was going to new job hungover. I had too much shame to create any long-lasting community of friends. I was avoiding my family. And I was missing conversations with my new wonderful partner. I realized I had to get focused, so I texted a fellow Dallasite who I admired and had recently quit drinking, and I asked him to help me. Not only have I not had any alcohol since, but I have started my own coaching business to help women and non-binary folx get and stay sober from alcohol without giving up their sanity or social life.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
I have yet to travel on a smooth road when headed towards something challenging! Now, my life on paper looks so different from what it looked like five years ago. I’m a millennial homeowner with the world’s greatest husband, an amazing job at a company often topping Forbe’s list of “Happiest Places to Work” (Keller Williams HQ), my own coaching business, great standup comedy and storytelling opportunities, and entrepreneurial concepts in the works for the next year. Still, I have chronic mental illnesses and must work through my addictions every single day, no matter how many clients I get or people I make laugh. The stuff we struggle with doesn’t just go away because you have a great partner or because you’re able to afford furniture that’s NOT from Goodwill. In order to feel the long-term benefits of your decisions, you’ve gotta address the root of why you’re doing something first, which definitely takes patience.
From there, I have three pieces of advice for young women starting their journey #1 I love The One Thing by Gary Keller with Jay Papasan. It asks this question, “What’s the ONE Thing you can do such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary?” Ask yourself this question before you start ANYTHING. Then keep asking it until you have your next task. It will help you avoid overwhelm as you embark on what you want to be doing. This month, my “one thing” is getting more restful sleep because I know that impacts a lot of other areas in my life. Now, every week I ask myself what I can do to make that task easier, and then every day I ask what I can do to make THOSE tasks easier, and so on. This is how I get to anything big in life. #2 JUST START. Typically, I want something to be perfect before I put it out into the world. With my coaching business, I had a mentor and friend tell me to just “buy the domain”, then “write one blog post”, then “add your pricing” and when I would protest, she would tell me to “just get it done, edit later”. And I don’t think I would have started this business without that kind of thinking because I would still be too worried about the font I would use on the main page. #3 Create routine where you can. It will give you something to rely on when you’re feeling like everything is becoming TOO MUCH. The times in my life where I felt like I was “falling apart” or “going nowhere” were times when I had absolutely no routine in place. If that sounds boring, just send me an email and I’ll show you how AMAZING it can be – ha!
Please tell us about Grace Vroom Coaching.
Before I stopped drinking alcohol, I thought that being sober was synonymous with being boring. I didn’t see any other loud queer Texan teetotaler femmes when I was exploring ways to get sober and it made the experience extremely lonely. I also thought there was just one way to do it – go to AA – and since I didn’t feel comfortable in the meetings I attended, I felt even more isolated from any sense of community in the process. I wish I had someone I could go to who would be able to make me laugh throughout the process, or just answer dumb questions I had in the middle of the night about “what it means to be sober”. Now, I get to be that person for those going through all of that now. As a coach, I get to show women and non-binary folx that they can still be just as vibrant and beautiful and exciting as booze makes them feel after the first sip, but without any alcohol at all. I am able to customize to each client’s needs because there’s not just one way to deal with an addiction. Depending on what we come up with together, we can talk on the phone every day, text once a week, have ten sessions a month, or even just sit together for a few hours when you think you might be most vulnerable to drinking. And of course, it’s important to me to always infuse humor when working through such serious situations!
Do you think there are structural or other barriers impeding the emergence of more female leaders?
In general, I think a huge barrier to female leadership is our conditioning to live up to the expectations that EVERYONE has for us. We need to be smart, but not a know-it-all. We have to be assertive, but not too assertive or we’re acting “sassy”. We have to be passionate about our work, but not emotional about it. If we wear skirts to work, they have to be the perfect length or we’re looking a little slutty. Or worse, it’s too long and we look frumpy. Having to think about all of this is quite literally stealing brain space from the amazing ideas we have every single day. Another big barrier is also just plain ol’ sexism and ignorance. I remember a colleague at an old job telling me to come to her desk to show me a photo of a woman she was interviewing.
On this woman’s website, she was wearing a tight shirt and her nipples were slightly visible through it. Her entire team of women was asked to come over to look at the photo and my colleague ultimately decided to go with another candidate because of this woman’s “appearance”. Our barriers to leadership are rooted in ignorance. Another time, I suggested a speaker for an upcoming event at a company where I used to work, and this speaker was dismissed because her startup fund was only $2 million. Two months later, her fund grew to $36 million and I doubt that company would be able to get her as a speaker now. This type of engrained ignorance in corporate structures is one of the reasons why I decided to start my own business instead of relying solely on others to help me rise to the top.
Pricing:
- On-Call Sobriety Coaching starts at $450/month
- In-Person Sobriety Companion starts at $550/session
Contact Info:
- Website: www.gracevroom.com
- Phone: 214-244-4346
- Email: hello@gracevroom.com
- Instagram: @gracevroom
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