Today we’d like to introduce you to Ashleigh Conway
Alright, so thank you so much for sharing your story and insight with our readers. To kick things off, can you tell us a bit about how you got started?
For quite a few years, we had had the idea of fostering in our minds. Through TV shows such as Bones and fostering animals (we’ve temporarily housed over 300 kittens), we knew the need was there, but we hadn’t taken the step to help that need. Seemingly out of the blue, the Lord laid that on both my husband and I heart separately that it was the time to take it seriously and start fostering. I brought it up to Alan first, and he admitted that he had also been thinking about it seriously. That was January 2018. In February 2018 I had suggested that maybe we should try to have one kid ourselves. The next day we were running a 5K and I fell in a hole and broke my ankle. When I saw the doctor the next day, he said “well I hope you’re not pregnant because you need surgery”. I took that as a sign that I should not carry my own children, but instead take care of those that are already here and in need.
It took us a while to figure out the next steps for fostering. In April, we attended a general information meeting. From there, we went to several agency information meetings at different agencies to interview them and see which would be the best fit for us. We narrowed it down to three different agencies and chose our favorite. We chose based on which one would provide the most resources for the children. For example, some organizations give you $75 at placement to help with expenses, such as clothing, but other agencies will give double that. I would like to have chosen based on a low turnover rate of staff, but in this field, the turnover rate is high no matter what agency you pick. We started classes with our agency in August and by November we were licensed.
The same day we got our license they told us about two little girls that were being moved from another foster home and needed a new place. While we had originally thought that the Lord wanted us to take teenagers, we said yes to these little girls and our hearts were attached even though we had never met them. It took two weeks for them to get to us, which is very unusual for Foster Care. Typically when you say yes to a placement, they arrive within a matter of hours. We had weeks to prepare, which is out of the normal. What else was unusual was that they came with so many possessions. We were their fourth foster home in six months (by no fault of their own) so everyone had bought them quite a bit and it had traveled with them. Those two sweet little girls are now our daughters, Elizabeth and Rosalie, who we had the privilege of adopting two years later.
Over the next few years, we fostered six newborn babies, two teenagers, and two toddlers. This week we are looking at the possibility of receiving our 13th Foster placement in 5 1/2 years. That’s actually a low number compared to most of our friends. The difference is that most of our placements have stayed longer than six months with our shortest placement staying 22 hours.
Our third newborn placement was a little boy who had gone through severe neglect at a very young age. He had actually coded twice prior to 10 weeks old and had been brought back to life. Everything in his little body tried to die. We did not know all these details when we accepted placement as is often the case. When we got him, he was soon diagnosed with cerebral palsy and we realized our Foster Care license type needed to change to a medical home to suit his needs. We took additional training and had additional inspections performed on our home. It was after that that we became licensed as a Primary Medical Needs home. It was three years later that we adopted that little boy, our son Michael.
To fill in a piece of the story that I haven’t shared, in 2009, my husband was wounded in a roadside attack in Iraq. The bomb lifted him up and threw him 15 feet landing him on his head. If you met him today, you would have no idea, which is such a tremendous blessing, but there was so much stress that we would go through over the next three years of doctor appointments, surgeries, physical therapies, and more. Little did we know it was preparing us for this moment of fostering. All that I went through with him made me an ideal medical advocate for these babies. Additionally, it had kicked my type A personality into gear, so I am exceptionally organized when it comes to paperwork and documentation. Those two factors have made us an ideal home for these Medical kiddos. Now we do mainly Primary Medical Needs children that have experienced medical neglect or injury before entering foster care. We recently said yes to what would be considered a basic baby with no medical needs, so we’re not exclusive, but we feel that God has given us a set of talents and we should use those to help these children in need.
The child that sealed us as a medical home was our daughter Ivy. She came to us in February 2022 as a terminally ill infant. She was diagnosed at birth with hydranencephaly, meaning she was missing both hemispheres of her brain. She did have a brain stem, so her body could function, but they theorized that she had five days to four weeks to live. We loved on that little girl as if she was ours from the very beginning. We had the privilege of adopting her six months later. Everyone attributed to love that she made it to her first birthday and one month beyond before passing away in her sleep. She would do things such as turn towards my voice, which she wasn’t supposed to be able to hear, that we’re just straight miracles from God. She was definitely the most medically fragile child I had had. I sort of fell in love with the complication of her case. We miss our sweet girl every day, but we’re thankful that she is healed and in heaven now. We use her memory to spur us forward to help more children in need, especially those that are medically fragile.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
I would say some of the struggles we have faced would be in the areas of paperwork, staff members, and changing agencies. There is a lot of paperwork when it comes to Foster Care, and knowing which paperwork to file with which instance can be quite daunting at first. For example, there’s nine pages of papers that you have to fill out for each doctor appointment. So dealing with medically fragile children who easily have 15 doctor appointments a month, that’s a lot of paperwork just on doctor appointments. Then there’s medication logs, minor incident reports if they scrape a knee or bump a head, and monthly reports that are multiple pages in length as well. Staff turnover in this industry is very high. The burnout rate is one of the highest out of the different professions. We’ve often gotten new staff that do not know the answer, the same as we don’t. That can be extremely frustrating at times. But we give a lot of grace and patience and we’re thankful that we have somebody at all. Our biggest struggle was when we made the difficult decision to change Foster Care agencies. Our current agency had made some poor choices regarding other cases and we were starting to see that lack of good judgment in our own situations. In June 2024, we decided to change agencies and by November of that same year we were re-licensed.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
What sets us apart from others is that we are available as a medically fragile home. It’s called PMN or Primary Medical Needs. Just this upcoming week we should receive placement of a new little child who has both a feeding tube and needs continuous oxygen. While slightly nervous, there is also an excitement of a new little person that we can help and love on. We are no longer adoption motivated at this point, that means that if a child were to become legally free for adoption, we typically are not going to jump at that opportunity. We’ve had the privilege of adopting four children, so unless God changes our minds, we consider ourselves done and just in the fostering realm now.
How can people work with you, collaborate with you or support you?
How can people support us… That is a great question. Prayer is always the best support. But tangible ways that are helpful is for example when a family gets a new placement that first two weeks is crazy. There are multiple doctor appointments. There is a lot of paperwork. There are visits with biological family members. There’s a lot of nerves and stress and it’s just a very busy time. What has been a tremendous blessing to us is when people bring us a meal in those first two weeks. That takes a lot of pressure off of me who is the primary caregiver for these little ones. It is also something special for our adopted kids. And needing a meal goes for both primary medical needs homes or a basic homes.
The other thing that is a tremendous support is just asking the family, “hey is there something that y’all need?” Because as a foster family, we are taking in children, i.e. having children, and we never had a baby shower. So we are on our own to purchase everything from stroller sets, to bunkbeds, to you name it. I had a friend from high school reach out and buy us a Donna stroller which is like a $600 stroller that doubles as a car seat. That has been the single greatest blessing that anyone has given us. I never in a million years would’ve thought someone would just outright do that, but it has been the biggest help and we use it for multiple children because we are repeatedly fostering.
Another way people can help is by becoming a respite provider. Respite is just a big name for babysitting. We cannot have just anyone stay with the kids for an evening while we get a break. They have to be background checked typically fingerprinted as well and often need to complete CPR and first aid. That’s a lot to ask of somebody. But if someone is willing to go through that process and become licensed for us just to come and sit with our kids for three hours once a month would be amazing. Even if it’s once every six months, that would be amazing. If you were to ask any foster family, when their last break was, I bet you’d be quite surprised by the answer.
Another great resource that we utilized is churches. Many churches have started foster and adoption ministries. There’s a church in Wylie who has a foster care closet that is incredibly helpful. They provide all the clothing you could possibly need for a new placement and it’s all free of charge. And they just love on you while you’re there and so you feel seen, and heard, and it’s just a tremendous blessing so if you can start a program like that at your church or in your community that would be a great blessing as well.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/akconwaytx
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/share/152v5waaVL
- Youtube: https://youtube.com/@thefostermamaof4
- Other: https://tiktok.com/@thefostermama
Image Credits
Brittney Horn for group photos or photos with myself in them. All others taken by myself, Ashleigh Conway
