Meet DeAndrea Dare of A Memory Grows in Tarrant County

Today we’d like to introduce you to DeAndrea Dare.

DeAndrea, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
On March 12, 2013 my life suddenly changed forever. My husband and I were expecting our first child and we so excited about what the future held. We had hopes and dreams and could already picture what our life was going to be like as a family of three. Unfortunately, those hopes and dreams were shattered when I suffered a placenta abruption and our son, Max was still born.

I remember vividly those hours laying in the hospital bed ‘recovering’. I had never felt so full of love but I also had never felt so broken. Leaving the hospital only holding a box with his plaster footprints and the little cards with his inked hand prints will be surreal moments that I will never forget. Holding his little body at the funeral home knowing that I would never again have him in my arms, in this life was excruciating. In the days, weeks and months that followed, I was surrounded with a lot of love and support but I desperately needed a community of other parents who understood this kind of devastating loss. Despite having a large support network, I felt very lost and alone. I did not want Max to be forgotten. I wanted people to say his name. I needed them to understand that he mattered and that he would always matter. Most of all, I wanted the world to know that he would always be my son.

After attending an amazing retreat at Faith’s Lodge in Wisconsin with other parents whose children had died, I felt very called to find a way to offer a similar sort of experience in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. A Memory Grows was established as a 501(c)(3) in November of 2015. We exist to offer a safe space for parents to find community with others who understand this sort of loss, to grieve openly in their own way, to honor their child and heal all while creating a legacy for their children. Our first year of programming brought 400 participants together to share stories, laugh, cry and find hope on this journey knowing that not even death can end the parent/child bond and that love always carries on.

This is in no way the life that I had dreamed of. I wish Max was here and that I could meet all of these other amazing parents on a t-ball field or at a PTA meeting but that is not how life has played out for us. I believe that Max has introduced me to some of the most amazing people I will ever meet and that together we are stronger because we know a deep and abiding love that is never taken for granted. I am incredibly proud to be his mom and feel very honored that this is the way that I am able to parent him in these days. We now have two beautiful daughters who know that they have a brother named Max. We are a family of 5 even though you can only see 4 of us. We incorporate him into our family traditions and strive to live life to the fullest because he taught us how deep and beautiful this life is and what love truly means.

Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
So many things have come together and fallen into place, in ways that I cannot adequately explain with words. I never ever could have imagined that A Memory Grows would grow so quickly and that we would walk beside so many in just our first year of programming. For many who have never walked this journey, it is hard to understand why an organization like this is needed. People wonder why you would want to go to a retreat about grief, why you would want to remember and be sad, why you just cannot move on… and, that is exactly why we exist. We understand that it is important to be surrounded by those who want to not just share their story but want to listen to another’s. That we gain insight and hope in knowing that we are not alone. That is is OK to laugh and cry and speak their name and celebrate their life because their lives matter and their lives changed us in amazing ways. That there is power and strength to be found when love is shared. Hope is found that even in the darkest days there is still meaning to be found and beauty to be discovered.

Our biggest challenge in growing so quickly is securing the funding to keep up with the demand for increased programming.

Alright – so let’s talk business. Tell us about A Memory Grows – what should we know?
A Memory Grows is only the second organization of its kind in the United States and the only organization in Texas that focuses specifically on offering parental grief support in a retreat setting. At this time, we offer 4 – 4 Day retreats a year at a bed and breakfast that we rent out in Granbury, Texas, 2 – 1 Day Retreats a year and 3 special events a year. Our 4 Day Retreats are grouped by specific loss such as infant loss and school aged Cchild loss. Our 1 Day Retreats are specifically for mom’s leading up to Mother’s Day and dad’s leading up to Father’s Day. These are open to any age of loss from miscarriage to adult child loss. Finally, our special events are open to all loss as well as for family and friends to attend with the parents.

We have had families travel to attend our retreats and special events from all across Texas as well as from Oklahoma, Louisiana, Maryland and Ohio.

As we grow, we hope to offer overnight retreats specifically for single parents and parents who are unable to attend with their partner. Our expansion plans also include 1 Day Retreats for couples as well as more 4 Day Retreats for adult child loss and more specific loss groups.

Is there a characteristic or quality that you feel is essential to success?
Success is hard to define with this type of organization but I feel deeply, that if those who attend our retreats and events leave with a sense of hope, knowing that they are not alone on this journey and with the knowledge that there is a community that will walk with them and friendships that will last long after the retreat or event is over, then that is success for us. We also strive to offer healthy ways of grieving so that relationships are strengthened and parents have the tools to find creative and helpful ways to grieve as opposed to possibly turning inward or to detrimental substances to numb the pain.

Pricing:

• Our 4 Day retreats are $200 per couple. The actual cost is $800-900 per family but thanks to generous donors we have been able to subsidize the cost that the family pays.
• Our 1 Day retreats are $40 per person.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.amemorygrows.org
• Phone: 682-214-4608
• Email: info@amemorygrows.org
• Instagram: www.instagram.com/amemorygrows
• Facebook: www.facebook.com/amemorygrows

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