Today we’d like to introduce you to Fran Tilton Shelton.
So, before we jump into specific questions about what you do, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
In 2007, the Reverend Wendy Fenn served as spiritual director at Faith Presbyterian Hospice and the Reverend Dr. Fran Shelton served as associate pastor for congregational care at Preston Hollow Presbyterian Church (PHPC). These two Presbyterian pastors met through their extensive ministry and service to individuals and families who were in the process of grief and mourning. Both desired to offer comfort and encouragement to those they encountered. In addition, both were eager for congregations and faith-based service organizations to work collaboratively rather than competitively. April 15, 2008, the first Faith & Grief luncheon was held at PHPC with 65 attendings.
By 2011, the ministry was growing and Sharon Balch joined Fenn and Shelton in establishing a 501(c)3-Faith & Grief Ministries (F&GM) and a working board. In 2016, in response to the killing of five first responders in downtown Dallas, F&GM established a new and meaningful way to remember the deceased loved during the holidays. This year, the 4th Annual F&GM Memorial Arch will be available to locals and visitors in Klyde Warren Park from December 1-21.
Shelton resigned from her service at PHPC in February 2012 to devote more time and energy to F&GM and to develop her practice in spiritual direction. Days later, she and her husband, The Rev. Dr. Robert “Bob” M. Shelton, former president of Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary, recognized that he was in the beginning stages of cognitive difficulties. Their concerns were validated on July 31 when they received his diagnosis of vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s.
Through the challenges of the disease, Fran learned first-hand the truth, grace, and beauty of I Corinthians 13–love is patient, kind… After Bob’s death, March 4th, 2018, Fran was asked many times, “So, since you are a bereavement specialist, has it helped you in your grief?” As a response, she wrote, NO WINTER LASTS FOREVER: A MEMOIR OF LOVING BOB AND LOATHING ALZHEIMER’S. Readers become captured by their love affair that contains depths of sorrow, laughter and hope. Recently, she has their long-time friend, The Rev. Dr. Hank Hunt talked about Bob’s life on NPR Story Corps.
Has it been a smooth road?
The biggest challenge was that Bob did not want to tell his two children, Tammy Shelton Mackesey and Dr. Jim Shelton, about his diagnosis. Fran honored his request for two years. Because every city is a small town, this meant keeping the information from others. After she told them, she shared with Bob what she had done. He took her hand and placed it in over his heart.
Another challenge was when Bob became non-verbal. Not only did I miss hearing the music of his beautiful voice, I missed his witty quips and sound wisdom. Caring for his basic and emotional needs required honing skills in anticipating and imagining his inner thoughts in order to make provisions.
And yet another challenge was struggling to come to terms with the reality that I needed additional help for him and time away to rejuvenate my mind, soul, and strength. At last, I made the decision and contracted with a home help agency who after two terminations, we were blessed by a caregiver we adored and trusted. Also, I contracted with a private caregiver, who melded into our family with ease.
So let’s switch gears a bit and go into the Faith & Grief Ministries story. Tell us more about it.
Faith & Grief Ministries has a distinctive bereavement program. Monthly support gatherings are held as a way to recognize the ongoing nature of grief, the roller-coaster emotions that evoke havoc, and the dynamics of grief that appear depending on personal circumstances. During these one-hour gatherings, participants’ grief is welcomed into the arms of faith, prayers from different faith traditions are offered, a speaker shares a 4-5 personal story of ways faith and grief intersect and participants have the opportunity to talk about their journey. Before the hour is up, participants share what they will be facing during the next month (probate, anniversary, birthday, occasion of joy that intensifies grief, etc) so that each will be held in prayer.
Weekend retreats and 6-week series, “Comfort & Hope for the Journey of Grief,” include educational components, the introduction of spiritual practices that promote comfort, and times for personal sharing. Participants receive measures of comfort in learning that they are not alone in their grief or in their feelings. They also appreciate the respect extended in their unique situations and that facilitators do not offer platitudes, give advice or try to “fix them.” All facilitators are well-trained and have personally experienced and journeyed through grief.
Faith & Grief Ministries has expanded monthly support gatherings beyond Dallas to other locations in Texas (El Paso, Richardson, and Plano), Arkansas, Kansas and New Jersey. Several of these sites are multi-denominational or combinations of several congregations from the same denomination. The leadership teams enjoy participating in bereavement ministries offered for their communities.
Faith & Grief Ministries is especially grateful that many persons who find their way to F&GM resources while in raw grief, they later desire to serve on leadership teams and/or be trained as facilitators. One commented, “Faith & Grief helped me through a terrible time and then has given me ways to help others.”
Establishing a new and meaningful holiday tradition for the Dallas residents and visitors with the Faith & Grief Memorial Arch has prompted the board to explore ways to offer this resource to other communities in the future. At the 3rd annual F&GM Memorial Arch over 1400 persons visited the arch and shared personal stories of loss with volunteers.
How do you think the industry will change over the next decade?
Since its inception (2011), the founders of Faith & Grief Ministries have volunteered their time and talents to serve as an executive team–overseeing programming, accounting, marketing and development. In order to serve more persons who are bereaved, the board contracted with a part-time program director, Shelley Craig, in April 2019. Next plans are to contract with a part-time executive director. Such a change will allow founders to intently focus on personal talents to reach out to communities to expand the opportunities for comfort and hope.
F&GM plans to expand the success of “train the trainer” opportunities to individuals facilitating a 6-week series and retreats of “Comfort and Hope for the Journey of Grief.” The addition of trained facilitators provides the leadership for expansion in Dallas and other communities.
Also, several communities have inquired about having a Memorial Arch. Working with volunteers, F&GM to package materials needed to provide communities with meaningful ways to remember loved ones during the holidays.
Pricing:
- * $7,500 for title sponsorship of 2020 5th Annual Faith & Grief Memorial Arch in Klyde Warren Park (December 2020)
- * $2,650 + travel to facilitate weekend retreat “Comfort & Hope for the Journey of Grief (facilitator 1 per 6 participants and 24 handbooks)
- * $850 cost for 6-week “Comfort & Hope for the Journey of Grief” (facilitator and 15 handbooks
Contact Info:
- Website: faithandgrief.org
- Phone: 469-251-9612
- Email: fran@faithandgrief.org
- Facebook: faithandgrief
Image Credit:
The Rev. Wendy Fenn, Sharon Balch, Dr. Fran Shelton
Celebrating my grandson’s 3rd birthday in Galveston–Stax Cowarad
Grief Retreat Weekend at Mo-Ranch in Hunt, Texas
Book signing
Storycorps with Dr. Hank Hunt
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