Today we’d like to introduce you to Vanessa M. Sanford.
Vanessa M., let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
One time at summer church camp (do all stories start here?), we were offered a list of activities and one option was to dress up like a clown and go to a local children’s hospital. I grabbed that pen so fast hoping to sing and silly my way into cheering up patients. I was privileged to paint my own face. I believe I was about 11 so I was obviously masterful in make-up. There was a moment at the hospital when time slowed down and I observed a little boy in a wheelchair show no interest into the handful of clowns sweating out their wishes of just one ounce of joy from this little kid. These clowns tried and tried and as I watched I felt the awkward tension. No matter what they attempted, still crickets. They finally walked away defeated. I walked up with no intention of repeating the wreckage I just witnessed. I just wanted to look into the eyes of this kid. I was curious. Why didn’t he laugh? I walked so gently as to not startle him. He and I met eyes and I stood still not sure what to do. He smiled so I smiled. He smiled more to show his teeth so I smiled to show my teeth. All of a sudden, laughter came out of his mouth. It was so sweetly loud that his nurse came over to see if he was okay. She told me, “I have never seen him laugh. What did you do?” I had no idea. I was mesmerized by a moment I could not explain. It felt so electrifying to connect and have someone feel safe enough to bellow out a laugh. All I knew is this ripple of connection opened a door of curiosity and passion. I wanted to understand the granular details how to recreate this experience. I chased this trail little by little. I would notice the kid no one talked to at a party or sat alone in lunch. I would make efforts to introduce myself and remind them I see them and they matter. I love that quote by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, “At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assist you.” I truly felt this. I was hooked. Thank you, Universe. Experience was my teacher and although I received my Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Counseling, I knew I learned best by taking what floated around in theory and putting it into practice. I was blessed to work at a Children’s hospital and craft that experience of connection years ago. I even got to dress up like a clown again in the Thanksgiving Parade in Dallas representing Children’s Medical Center. I gained golden lessons of respect and compassion and understood I have to enter someone’s space with the intention to listen with curiosity rather than know better. I moved on to doing some research at UT Southwestern Medical Center and was delighted about all the cool pilot studies I got to be a part of. My favorite was at Parkland Hospital offering “walking therapy” on the Oncology Unit. My role was to be the emotional support when patients met with their doctors to hear where along the remission scale they were. It was an honor to be in such sacred moments. I heard really hard stories and felt honored to protect and keep them safe. I moved on to work at Betty Ford Five Star Kids, a great program for children who love someone with addiction and then the Dallas Children’s Advocacy Center working with kids and teens who have been abused. The letter “c” is in both scared and sacred. Experience guided me to focus on this letter most. Experience explained the letter “c” was a friend and it stood for compassion. These words paired up and helped me lean more towards sacred instead of scared in these moments with others. Experience and Compassion led me along this path of service and discovery of what makes people feel safe enough to laugh and explore other emotions. My journey continued on to private practice, where I currently am. I was brave and wild enough to buy my own place, a little 98-year-old grandma house in downtown Frisco. It is my own sacred space full of creativity, warmth, and thought-provoking art. My dream of cultivating a space for people to have the freedom and safety to Feel, Deal, and Heal. I call my space, Support System, PLLC. I will never land, I will keep learning and dreaming and have linked arms with Experience, Compassion and some new friends have joined along the way, Courage, Creativity, and Humor. It is such an honor to witness such vulnerability and courage when hearing hard stories of grief and pain and suffering and holding space for these brave souls to hydrate themselves in self-worth, resilience, self-trust, and boundaries. I focus on core concepts of shame resilience and this major word: integration into every aspect of treatment. The Asaro tribe of Indonesia and Papua New Guinea has a beautiful saying, “Knowledge is only a rumor until it lives in the muscle.” I braid art, books, mix media, music, yoga, play, animals, and nature into treatment. I also love working with kids, teens, adults and families. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor/Supervisor, Registered Play Therapist/Supervisor, Certified Daring Way Facilitator, EMDR Trained, and Psychotherapeutic Yogi in Training. I am also an imperfect creative human with a deep desire for learning, a blessed wife, mom, sister, daughter, aunt, and friend. I want to live bravely and wholeheartedly and contribute to making this world a better place, one sacred moment at a time.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
It most definitely was not a smooth ride, mostly detours, wrinkles, hard core tangles, and sometimes even darkness. That is only half of the answer…there were also guides, supporters, and lots of getting back up after failures and trying again. One of my biggest challenges was how to not let criticism and feedback knock me down (I will always be working on this one). Stepping into such an arena of public speaking opened up a vortex of comments that really made me consider leaving this work and get into the Floral business. I remember a moment in time on the witness stand giving my testimony as the therapist in a criminal case, it was my very first time to testify and did not prepare as thorough as I should. After being on the stand for 2 hours and having the defense attorney slam her hands in front of me, yell at me so close I could smell her hot breath while looking around for help realizing everyone, even the judge, avoided eye contact with me. I started to slide down my chair only focusing on the exit sign fantasizing I could be invisible and fly out of this unsolvable escape room. I checked out and thought this was how my career ended. Had I worked so hard for this to be the end? Finally, I was released and slithered my way out of that courtroom. I got a call from the prosecutor’s office asking me to come in and go over my testimony. I thought it was a joke. I showed up anyway to find a kind-eyed prosecutor offering me Kleenex, patience, and red penned her way through my answers printed out in front of me. She gave me feedback without any brutality and I was full of gratitude. I wanted to do better and not walk away from this love of service after all. I have several moments like this throughout my career, someone seeing me covered in mistakes or ignorance and showing grace and compassion to help. Another reminder from my guides to move that letter “c” around and not be so scared. Compassion reminded me it was okay to feel sacred but leading with sacred compassion would give me the strength to be an advocate and teacher. I got a chance to practice this when a young client of mine had to testify in court. This child was under the age of 10 and had to answer questions about the abuse and the terrible, horrible, no good, scary moments in front of many adults including the one accused. After this child left the stand and walked out to receive an embrace from me and the child’s mother, the child jumped up and down stating how proud the child felt to have told the truth. This child celebrated the courage it took to testify by doing cartwheels in the hallway. Both the mother and I clapped, cheering on this child. Unbeknownst to us, the jury was released for a break at this same time and some left the courtroom to go to the bathroom. They passed this child they had just seen on the stand now doing cartwheels. This moment changed everything. The jury members still found the perpetrator guilty, but lessened the sentence due to seeing the child do cartwheels. They explained later to the prosecutor that if a child is doing cartwheels, they must not be affected or traumatized. This ignorance and low understanding of trauma knocked the wind out of me. I knew that it was more important to educate than to be scared of messing up. People had to learn trauma isn’t something we show all the time, but we work so hard to hide it. Our wounds are silent and secret and to heal trauma deserves space to untangle stories of shame and revise with self-worth, safety, and love. The fire within me to make sure this doesn’t happen again has never burned out. As I write this, I can still feel the fury inside knowing how little people understand about trauma. There is so much unlearning to do. This is what I know for sure. I have a sign on the front porch of my office, “Courage over Comfort”. This is my mantra and I need to see it every day to remind me of its importance in my life. To any young person just starting out, the only advice I would ever give is to stay curious, notice what breaks your heart and follow that, and invite an authentic partnership with compassion, courage, boundaries, and vulnerability. One of my favorite yoga instructors tells me to get comfortable in the uncomfortable. This irritates me while she is saying it but I always agree with her. I also have to remind myself, and anyone who will listen, to understand the dual relationship of being of service and receiving help. We cannot only stand on one side and just offer help. Help is a lane we give and receive. Receiving help from others is an act of courage not weakness. Ok, one more offering… Brené Brown teaches something I think about often when I am in conflict from her book Braving the Wilderness: Soft front (vulnerability and compassion), Strong back (courage), and Wild Heart. This is another mantra I am working hard to embed into my every day.
What should we know about Support System, PLLC? What do you guys do best? What sets you apart from the competition?
I have deep respect and gratitude for the research and lessons I have learned by Brené Brown. Whether I am wearing my “professional” hat or “personal” sombrero, I want to live a wholehearted life, this is one of the main concepts of her teachings. I want to let go of stories that get in the way of being brave. I revise these stories all the time and encourage my clients to do the same. Stories are powerful and I believe are at the root. I can go through a gut-wrenching experience and the story I make up about my inherent worth can cement a barrier to my own ability to move through it, ask for help, and heal from it. When we can believe, we are of value and worth, we can lean into more courage and self-trust and it is my experience that believing in our worth helps unlock doors to our resilience. I learned the opposite of anxiety isn’t calm, but actually is self-trust. I offer clients a safe space to untangle these stories, comb through them with loving kindness and courage and learn to let go of what no longer serves them and keep the ones that do. Elizabeth Gilbert writes a letter to Fear in her book, Big Magic. I have this letter printed and framed in my office. I think if I specialize in anything it is not vilifying fear, but respecting it. Also, assisting clients to organize their fears into what helps them survive and what fearful stories can be reviewed and moved around for a more integrated life. I offer a non-judgmental space for humans to see their worth and encourage their ability to expand the lens of their perceptions so they can revise their stories. I do believe art is a good guide and I incorporate it as much as possible. Sometimes, just sitting and talking doesn’t stimulate the brain enough for integration to happen. Art, music, animals, nature, laughter, play, and yoga can help move what we think into what we live.
Do you have a lesson or advice you’d like to share with young women just starting out?
I think of advice like little trinkets to browse at a flea market. You can pick it up, study it and if it doesn’t work for you place it back down and move on. I also think unsolicited advice is the kind I usually walk right past with speed. Advice is personal and needs to agree with one’s soul. The best advice I have ever heard was to be curious, brave, and follow paths leading you to what breaks your heart and you will find others there to link arms with and cultivate your work. Brené Brown says, “The only unique contribution that we will ever make in this world will be born of our creativity.” I have been fortunate to partake in being a mentor for Frisco ISD students in a program called ISM (interdependent student mentorship). Working with curious and open-minded students sincerely enhances my love of service. I have such hope and excitement for these teenagers stepping into adulthood! One part of this mentorship program is mock interviews. These students slide their résumé across the table to me. As I pick it up, accolades are falling off and the résumé is so bedazzled in extra-curricular activities, AP classes, and volunteer hours. It is heavy and shiny. I ask them, “How are YOU doing?” Most of them say they miss their friends, sleep, and downtime. They tell me there are so focused on the race to accomplishment land and being the best. They also tell me they are EXHAUSTED. I just think to myself, “This is not sustainable.” I will never forget one of these brave teens asking me, “Is the end goal of making good grades, following the rules of working hard and getting into a good college, to end up a tired adult overwhelmed and preferring to wear pajamas all weekend too exhausted to connect with my kids?” Mic drop. There seems to be such focus and firehose pressure sprayed to work hard. WORK HARD! I think there are valuable details we are missing. Rest and Play are so important and it is my belief adults are not the greatest at this. Especially women. So, just a trinket to look at and study. As much focus is on working hard, I wonder how different, dare I say better, our lives would be if we pick up and buy the shiny trinket of rest of play and add it to our collection.
Contact Info:
- Address: Support System, PLLC
7242 W. Main Street
Frisco, TX 75034 - Website: www.sanfordsupportsystem.com
- Phone: 2146411006
- Email: vanessa@sanfordsupportsystem.com
Image Credit:
Vanessa Sanford took the pictures of the office and John Sanford took the picture of Vanessa at the beach doing a headstand.
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